Here Without You
by LJ4Neal
Summary: Songfic featuring Here Without You... Please read and review, very angsty though, so be prepared... PLEASE DONT HATE ME FOR THIS! What will Neal do when all that's left has gone away?


As you all should probably know by now, i've been on a complete writing high this weekend, and have written so many fics that its amazing even myself... chapter 1 of oblivion, chapter 5 of Indecisive minds and chapter 3 of if only she knew are all nearly done, just that i haven't posted them up, so look out for them! I have no idea why i'm putting this stupid song fiction in... but hey, i'm weerd, and if you all like it then i might write a few more.. ususally, i don't bother with songficz because they are so damn short, and yeh, but i dunno. Whatever...

Sorri if you all hate me for writing this! Its yet ANOTHER Neal thing... haha.. Very angsty, tell me if its any good!

Please review! Luve you all, LJ4Neal

**Here without you**

** A hundred days had made me older since the last time  
that I saw your pretty face**

Neal tossed and turned in bed, trying to fall asleep even though he couldn't. How could he? All he could think about was Kel. Sweet beautiful Kel. Mithros, how he missed her. He wanted so much just to see her, just to talk to her once more.

**   
A thousand nights had made me colder and  
I don't think I can look at this the same**

A felt a tear roll down his cheek, making the pillow underneath him damp. He ached for her so much, and yet she never even knew it. He never told her how much he loved her, how much she really meant to him. And she'd never even get to know. Because she was gone now. Gone forever from his life, and from all those around him.

**   
But all the miles had separated  
They disappeared now when I'm dreaming of your face**

More tears kept on flowing from his eyes, adding to the wet patch on his pillow which was next to his face. It'd been 3 months now, yet he couldn't let it go. He couldn't let _ her_ go. All that time that he had yearned from her, being stuck at the palace while she went gallivanting about in Scanran territory, all that worrying about her. At least then he had hope, at least he knew that she was still alive, that he could still possibly see her again.

**   
I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind  
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time**

But what now? She was gone for real now. This time, he knew that he wouldn't ever see her again, wouldn't ever have someone to tell him to eat his vegetables or to give him more bruises than was good for him. He knew that he should have been over it by now, but he couldn't do it. Kel just haunted him, every waking minute of his life. He could feel the familiar wave of depression overcome him again and welcomed it. At least when he was depressed his thoughts were numbed.

**   
I'm here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams  
And tonight it's only you and me**

**   
** The only time he could ever find his own peace of mind, when he was so worn out that he couldn't feel anything anymore, except the pain. The pain that he felt all over of not having her to hold, to touch, to comfort. But it was there constantly, binding him, paralyzing him, rendering him unable to do anything but sit in his room and mourn for all that he'd lost.

**   
The miles just keep rolling as the people either way to say hello  
I hear this life is overrated but I hope it gets better as we go**

He thought about everyone he knew, and everything that he had experienced ever since this crazy quest of knight hood. Everyone that he'd known and held dear to him, their lives being stripped from them, all because of the war. It was supposed to be so great, so glorified, to be a knight. You were supposed to be noble and chivalrous, saving the lives of so many people, yet it had just taken the lives of the people that made up his life. Especially the one that WAS his life.

**   
I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind  
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time**

_Kel_. It hurt so much just to think about her. To know that the only time that he could ever be with her or see her was in his dreams. That he was only ever happy when he was asleep and near her at night.

**   
I'm here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams  
And tonight girl it's only you and me**

Wait a second. Why? Why should he only be able to see her at night? Why couldn't he be with her in eternal sleep?

**   
Everything I know, and anywhere I go  
it gets hard but it won't take away my love**

After all, there was nothing here for him. Nothing to stop him from going. Merric, Seaver, Cleon, Dom, they were all gone. Why shouldn't he join them?

**   
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done  
it get hard but it won't take away my love**

He was the last one of them all. While they had all been out fighting, sacrificing themselves for their country, he had been sitting at the palace, healing person after person. Not helping the people that had stood by him for so long, being there for him whenever he needed them. Especially when Yuki left. That had been the hardest time of his life, and he never thought that he could love again. But Kel had shown him otherwise. She didn't know that she had, but she had. And nothing was taking that love away from him, not even her absence. But at the same time, the pain of her gone couldn't be taken away. Correction: Could only be taken away in one way.

**   
I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind  
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time**

Neal sat up in his bed, and raised his hand to wipe away the tears that streaked his face. He gently lifted the covers of his bed and stepped out of bed, walking across the room to the weapon rack.

**   
I'm here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams  
And tonight girl it's only you and me**

Soon he would see her. He's be able to see her and the pain would go away. All the pain he'd felt for all this time would wash away. Because tonight, and ever single night from now on, it would be him and Kel. His Kel.

**   
I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind  
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time**

Carefully, he unsheathed his raven armory dagger and knelt down on the floor. This was it. He'd finally be able to be with his love again. Finally be able to tell her how he felt.

**   
I'm here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams  
but tonight girl it's only you and me**

Tonight, it was only him and her.


End file.
